


In Which Deadpool Crashes the World Meeting

by Self-Inflicted Insanity (Marvelite5Ever)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: America gets fannish over the Deadpool movie, Crack, Deadpool Movie 2016, Gen, Humor, International Fanworks Day 2016, and just Deadpool in general, but America isn't the only nation to get fannish about Deadpool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 17:59:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6019689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvelite5Ever/pseuds/Self-Inflicted%20Insanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the release of the Deadpool movie, America turns a G8 meeting into a Deadpool fan meeting. </p><p>Canada, Britain and Russia are not averse to this. </p><p>(Written for International Fanworks Day 2016 on the topic: “What does your favorite character—or your favorite pairing—get fannish over?”)</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Deadpool Crashes the World Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> According to _The Hollywood Reporter_ : “For the four-day holiday weekend, _Deadpool_ is estimating a colossal $150 million, a Presidents Day best that beats the $93 million grossed a year ago by sensation Fifty Shades of Grey (official four-day estimates will be released Monday morning, so it's possible the final number could come in higher). **Among other North American records broken, _Deadpool_ boasts the biggest R-rated opening of all time, the biggest opening for the month of February and the top opening in history for Fox.** It's also the biggest debut for a first-time feature director (Tim Miller).
> 
> “Overseas, _Deadpool_ is also pulling in huge business, opening to $125 million from 61 markets, including scoring the **biggest opening of all time in Russia with $12.4 million** , besting Star Wars: The Force Awakens. It's also the biggest Fox opening of all time in 13 markets, including Australia ($10 million) and Taiwan ($8.3 million), and the top opening for a film with the equivalent of an R rating in 11 territories, including the Philippines ($2.8 million), known to be a conservative marketplace. **Overall, the U.K. led with $20.1 million.** ”

* * *

“Hey guys!” America shouted, kicking the doors to the G8 meeting open with a bang. “Wassup?!” 

The other nations looked up, pausing as they regarded the black and red outfit America was wearing. 

Immediately, Canada, Britain and Russia grinned. 

“I bet you're wondering why the red suit,” America grinned, swaggering in. “Well that's so bad guys can't see me bleed.” He pointed at Italy. “That guy has the right idea! He brought the brown pants!” 

Italy just smiled at him. 

Germany sighed. “America,” he spoke, looking at the nation coolly, “this is a G8 meeting, not a comic con.” 

“But it's _Deadpool!_ ” America said, still grinning, reaching into one of the pouches on his outfit and pulling out a Deadpool mask, which he then pulled down over his face. Then he threw his arms up above his head and yelled, “DEADPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! The Deadpool movie was so awesome! It was so totally _Deadpool!_ ” 

Germany facepalmed. 

“I, personally, really enjoyed the Deadpool film,” Britain grinned, leaning back in his chair. His grin turned smug. “I especially liked that the villain was named Francis.” 

“Yes, but it was a British villain!” France snapped back, glaring. 

“That doesn't mean anything,” Britain said, waving a hand dismissively. “Most of America's movies have British villains. Except for the war films, which have German villains.” 

“Thanks,” Germany said dryly. 

“What I liked especially about the villain being named Francis,” Britain continued, grin widening as he sat up, leaning towards France as he crooned, “was that he said his name was _Ajax_ because he felt the name _Francis_ was too _effeminate._ ” 

“There is nothing wrong with being effeminate!” Francis countered, crossing his arms over his chest. “That is quite sexist of you to suggest otherwise! Also, it was never mentioned in the movie that the name Francis was effeminate. It could be that the villain—who was British, if I may remind you—was quite cruel and wanted to be seen as such, while the name Francis is a very pleasant name.” 

“Guys, don't argue about the movie!” America said, voice slightly muffled from the Deadpool mask. “Just enjoy its awesomeness!” 

“I liked that Deadpool uses katanas,” Japan piped up, when it looked like Britain and France were about to start fighting. 

“I liked that Deadpool is Canadian and that the film took place in Canada,” Canada said, smiling as he hugged Kumajiro. 

“I thought the movie was funny,” Italy grinned. “And all the spilled guts reminded me of my horror films!”

Germany sighed. “Ja, ja, the movie was good. But can we get on with the meeting now?” 

“I liked Colossus,” Russia said with a serene smile. “And all the violence.” 

“Who doesn't like violence?” America said, pulling two fake katanas out from behind his mask, whipping them around in front of him. “I will puddinize you! Puddinize means: to turn one into pudding. I just made that up.” 

“Wait!” Japan said, jumping out of his chair and hurrying over to America, grabbing his wrist to still the swords. “You're doing it wrong,” he said concernedly. “Let me show you.” 

America smiled behind the mask. “Sure, dude!” he said, handing the katanas to Japan. “Go for it! I have other weapons!” With that, he pulled out two desert eagles, aiming at the wall in front of him. “Pew, pew!” 

“ _Please_ tell me those aren't real guns,” Germany said flatly. 

“Hey, I have Second Amendment rights!” America said, waving the guns around. 

Italy squeaked and ducked under the table. “Don't shoot me, ve!” 

“Don't worry, they're not actually loaded!” America said. “I don't wanna shoot any'a you guys! I love you guys!” 

“Please stop waving the guns around, America,” Japan said, still holding the plastic katanas. 

“ _Relax_ , guys, I know how to use guns,” America snorted. “I'm Deadpool!” 

And then he jumped up onto the meeting table. 

“America!” Germany shouted, standing up and glaring. “Get off the table!” 

“They call me Deadpool, I'm hella fast!” America started singing. “Came to merc the bad guys, and get some ass! Got blades for days, got guns galore!” He started dancing, waving the guns around. “Got combo moves, evades and more! With bear traps and hand grenades! Pull the pistol like a maniac right in your face!” 

“AMERICA!” Germany shouted. 

However, Canada, Britain, and Russia had started clapping along to the song, nodding their heads and smiling. 

Germany facepalmed, and France shook his head sadly. 

“Poppin' off caps, leave a trail of guts!” America sang. “Sittin' on my chair, scratchin' my nuts! Don't stop when I shoot, full-auto is on! Your ass is grass, and I'm mowin' the lawn!” 

Japan was standing there, clutching the plastic katanas in confusion. 

Italy was hiding behind Germany and clutching a white flag, fearfully eying America and his rather violent hiphop dancing. 

“Hot lead to the head, and I won't stop!” America sang. “What yo crew gonna do, when I hack and chop! But all these bitches are primadonas! I stuff my face with Chimichangas!”

“This is highly unproductive,” Germany muttered. 

America twirled on the table, before dancing over to Canada and offering a hand, pulling the other nation up onto the table with him. “Tacos and beers, always keepin' it loose! Hang on for a minute while I'm droppin' a deuce! Deadpool! Sexy motherfuckaaaaaaa! Deadpool! Deadpool! Captain Deadpool!” 

“Nah, just Deadpool,” Canada said with a grin. 

“Merc with a Mouth, I can't die!” America sang. “One foot in the grave but I'm still alive! Try to kill me, I'll just revive! Then I'll put another bullet right between your eyes!” 

Canada was dancing along, and America swaggered over to pull Britain up onto the table with them. 

Britain smirked at France as he started dancing and singing along, grinning at the way France glared. 

“I'm dangerous, feeling reckless! Squeeze your neck like I was a necklace! Jump clip and leave ‘em headless I like my guns all big like Texas!” America stuck his glasses back on, over the Deadpool mask, nodding his head. “Hey goons, thugs and bosses! Guess what? I brought Colossus!” 

He pulled Russia up onto the table with them. 

At this, the shaking Germany, barely able to restrain his frustration, grabbed Italy and dragged the nation out of the room, Japan hurrying after them. 

“Time's up, better count your losses!” America sang loudly after them. “Kickin' that ass, as my girlfriend watches!” 

France sighed, looking between the door where the three nations had left, and the four nations dancing on the table. 

“Run away, you know that I'll chase!” America and the other sang. “Every bad guy, put them right in their place! Revenge, I'm gonna give you a taste! I'm sexy as hell, but I cover my face! I'm bout to take you all to school with guns and knives!” 

Britain had procured a bottle of beer from somewhere and was taking a large swig, grinning. “Deadpool!” he sang along. “Tellin' jokes and breakin' the rules, I came for the tacos! Deadpool! Playin' with the ladies and my family jewels to bust a nut! Deadpool! ‘Bout to throw down with all these fools so come and get some!” 

America took off the Deadpool mask and, grinning, tossed it to Canada, who smiled and pulled it on over his face. 

Under the table, Kumajiro was snuffling around the nations' bags and raiding them for snacks. 

“Bring the noise, I'll bring the pain!” America sang, performing a hitch kick. “Ha! Kickin' ass and taking names! Payback time, I'm not playing games! These superpowers, are feeling strange! I move like a freakin' ninja! Hand to hand, you know I'll lead ya!” He punched the air. “Got two swords now I'll avenge ya!” 

America looked around for his swords, then shrugged when he couldn't find them. “I don't care if I offend ya! Listen up, I got something to say! That's right, I run my mouth all day!” 

Rolling his eyes, France stood up and walked out of the room, lifting his chin. 

“Step up, take a blood bath! Now you're trying to run, and it's making me laugh!” 

Britain pointed at France. “Ha ha ha! Where you're gonna go to? Tryin' to hide, but you know that I'll find you!” 

France turned and glared at them. 

“Tippy toe, sneakin' up behind you! I'm Deadpool, do I have to remind you?” 

France looked unimpressed. 

“Regenerate, because it's cool! Wanna fall off a ledge!” America took the opportunity to push Britain off the table. 

France laughed. 

Britain shouted an insult and jumped back up onto the table, lunging at America, but America jumped off the table and began running around the room as Britain chased him. 

“Deadpool!” America kept singing. “The crazy ass guards, always lookin' to duel! So click click BOOM!” 

Somehow, Canada had procured a hockey stick, and Russia had pulled out his pipe, and the two of them were using them to swordfight on the table. 

“Deadpool! I don't believe in the Golden Rule! I came to get laid!” America winked at France, who smirked and winked back. 

Furious, Britain lunged at France, who barely managed to grab Britain's wrist and keep the empty beer bottle from smashing into him. 

“Deadpool! Note to the ladies: I'm not a tool, I'm a sexy motherfucka!” America sang, grinning, arms above his head. “Sexy motherfuckaaaaaaa! Sexy motherfuckaaaaaaa! Sexy motherfuckaaaaaaa! Sexy motherfuckaaaaaaa! Deadpool! Deadpool! Deadpool! _Deadpooool._ ”

Canada and Russia put away their weapons, nodding at each other and smiling, before carefully stepping off the table and returning to their seats. 

Britain and France were still hitting each other and yelling. 

“Guys, guys!” America said, striding over and forcefully separating them. “Let's try to get along, okay? Give it your maximum effort!” 

“I'll give it my maximum effort to _kill him!_ ” Britain snarled, lunging at France and trying to strangle him. 

“What's my name?” France sneered at him as he fended him off. 

“Whoa! Whoa guys!” America said, getting between them again, grabbing their collars and shoving them apart. “Arthur, you need to be nice to Francis! And Francis, don't be evil!” 

“Four or five moments,” Russia said with a smile as he walked over to them. “There are four or five moments in one's life where one has the opportunity to be a hero. People think that you wake up a hero, brush your teeth a hero, go to work a hero. This is not true. There are only four or five moments where one has a chance to hurt a friend or not spare an enemy.” 

“Dude, that is _not_ what he said,” America complained, frowning at Russia. “That is the exact _opposite_ of what he said!”

Russia shrugged, smiling. “I only saw the movie twice.” 

“Oh, fuck you!” Britain snapped at him. 

“Language, please,” Russia smiled. 

“If he doesn't shut up, I have duct tape,” America said, grinning. “Man, I love duct tape. I love how it tapes. I love the sound it makes. I love saying it. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape.” 

“Sounds like we might need to duct tape your mouth shut, America,” France said, snorting. 

“Let me go, you wanker!” Britain said, trying to lash out at America. “Or else I'll hijack every channel of your TV with British shows!” 

America stared at him in horror. "Every. Freakin'. Channel?! That does it. Okay, I got a plan: I'm gonna kidnap a Brit—somebody important—and then I'm gonna hold 'em for ransom until they agree to get off the TV.” 

America beamed at Britain. Britain glared. 

“Dude,” America rolled his eyes at the Briton, "anyone wearing a harness rig has a failsafe release to prevent it from catching on fire and forcing you to fly into Kree spaceships and blow up. I mean, duh, who doesn't know that?" 

“That doesn't even make sense!” Britain said, shaking his head. He narrowed his eyes. “Fine. Then I'll just _break_ your TV.” 

America shrugged. “"Once, my TV didn't work, so I kicked it.” He grinned. “And then it started working again!"

Britain facepalmed. 

“Time to make the chimi-fucking-changas!” America said cheerfully, handing France to Russia to steer back toward the table, while he pushed Britain back toward his seat. 

“Hey, Canada!” America said, turning to his brother. “Can you go get Germany, Japan and Italy?” 

“They won't notice me,” Canada said sadly, playing with the edge of the Deadpool mask he was still wearing. 

“Sure they will!” America said encouragingly. “Just give it your maximum effort!” 

A small grin stretched behind the red and black mask, and Canada left the room. 

Several moments later, after France and Britain had been forcefully seated by Russia and America, Canada came back in, alone. 

“They didn't notice me,” Canada said dejectedly, taking off the Deadpool mask and looking down at it.

“ _Maximum_ effort,” America told him. 

Canada looked at him, then straightened his shoulders and tightened his jaw, hands clenching around the mask as he turned and walked out of the room. 

A few moments later, they heard Canada shout, “ _I AM SICK OF THESE MOTHERFUCKING DRAGONS ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING BOAT!_ ” 

Several moments later, Germany, Italy and Japan, looking somewhat ruffled, filed back into the room, a pleased-looking Canada behind them. 

“You go, bro!” America said, grinning and giving Canada two thumbs-ups. 

“What's the point?” Germany grumbled as he sat down, rubbing his forehead as if he were already getting a headache. “I assume that we're not going to be productive today. The meeting is probably just going to be a fanboy meeting about Deadpool.” 

"Well, you know what they say about people who assume things...” America said sagely. He unsheathed the plastic katanas. “I stab them. _'Assume something, and Deadpool will stab you.'_ ” He nodded, sheathing his swords again. “That's what they say."

Germany stared at him, then facepalmed. 

“Germany?” Italy said concernedly, tugging at the German's sleeve. “Are you okay?” 

Germany grunted indistinguishably. 

“So!” America said, taking his place at the table and look around between the assembled countries, grinning. “Has anybody here read any Deadpool comics?” 

Germany fought the urge to bang his head against the table. Yes, this was going to be an unproductive meeting.

**Author's Note:**

> ["Deadpool Rap" by Teamheadkick (Movie Version)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBcehv2Xh8o)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> "Puddinize means: to turn one into pudding. I just made that up." - Deadpool quote from the _Cable & Deadpool_ series
> 
> "Man, I love duct tape. I love how it tapes. I love the sound it makes. I love saying it. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape... Chimichanga. Chimichanga..." - Deadpool quote from the _Cable & Deadpool_ series 
> 
> "Every. Freakin'. Channel?! That does it. Okay, I got a plan: I'm gonna kidnap a Skrull - somebody important - and then I'm gonna hold 'em for ransom until they agree to get off the TV. Wait, no - until they put all my favorite shows on TV. With no commercials. And also, they'll have to give me a lot of money." - Deadpool quote from _Deadpool: Vol 1_
> 
> "Dude, anyone wearing a harness rig has a failsafe release to prevent it from catching on fire and forcing you to fly into Kree spaceships and blow up. I mean, duh, who doesn't know that?" - Deadpool quote from the _Cable & Deadpool_
> 
> "Once, my TV didn't work, so I kicked it. And it started working again." - Deadpool quote from the _Cable & Deadpool_ series
> 
> "I AM SICK OF THESE $#@%% DRAGONS ON THIS $#@%$ BOAT! I really can do better than that, I know... but it's tough juggling random acts of stupefying bravado with inane banter."- Deadpool qutoe from the _Cable & Deadpool_ series
> 
> "And you know what they say about people who assume things... I stab them. _'Assume something, and Deadpool will stab you.'_ That's what they say." - Deadpool quote from his stint in the _Thunderbolts_ series


End file.
